A True Qawwam

Disclaimer; Fiction! Fiction!! Fiction!!!!

You were 25years old, when you chose me. I was 21years old when i chose you. 10years later, here we are, both choosing each other.

At each step of the way, everyone had a lot to say; when you showered me with gifts, everyone said it wouldn’t last. When you said you love me; people said it would eventually fade. When you called me beautiful, people said all sorts of things. “When you start having children, and all your blossoms fall off-he shall see you like he sees his mother”.

Barely, 2months after we met; you said you wanted to meet my parents; “i can’t wait for you to be my wife..” you uttered.

With incredulity; i prayed to God to be steadfast. People couldn’t believe why you chose me, honestly, even i wondered, why you chose me.

On the night before our Nikkah, your call came through, you asked how i was feeling. You asked if i was afraid. Afraid of starting afresh-with you. You asked me if i wanted to change my mind. About the wedding. Truth be told, before your call came through, i was on the verge of calling it quits. I was on the prayer mat, i couldn’t sleep, so i called out to my Lord. And there and then, your phone call came through. As you asked me all those questions; i found my answers in them. “Yes, i would love to be your wife”, i answered. I could feel your joy through the phone. “Thank you,”, you said. Almost as if i was doing you a favour.

Then we got married, with skepticism of your undying love, you took me in as your wife. You showered me with more gifts. You showered me with more love. You accepted my fears, as yours. My struggles became yours. My family became yours. You made sure nothing was ever lacking. What i loved, became what you loved, what i hate, became what you hate.

I was still puzzled,i wondered if i was still living a dream. Often atimes, i remnisced on what people said. About you. About being married. About love. But then with you everything was different. I waited for the day when things would change. That day never came.

When everyone spoke about how bad their husbands were, i was scared to say “mine was perfect”, “what about your husband,” they asked. “He is okay”. I said. “I couldn’t tell them you are perfect”. “Don’t worry, he won’t be when you start having children, enjoy him while it lasts”. A gush of adrenaline streams my heart.

A new dawn presented itself; “i am pregnant”, i told you, with not as much as a smile. I was scared. I thought that was it. The end had finally come. The end of our undying love.

“I am pregnant,” as i burst into tears.

You thought they were tears of joy. They were tears of fear.

“We are going to pull through this… together” again, you reaffirmed your undying love. I looked into your eyes, you were even happier than i was. “Is this all a façade?” I asked myself.

Exactly 5years after our marriage,we welcomed a child. It took us 5years to have our own child. Not for a day did you ever showed me that anything was wrong. Whenever i complained, you would remind me to have faith in God, that He would surely provide us with a loving daughter. As usual, an argument ensued either a male or a female.

I wanted a male. You wanted a female. We both had the same reason. We both wanted our children to be like each other. It was amazing.

The delivery date came along, we stayed up long and talked about how our lives would change. 3 months to the due date, you took a leave from work, “it is not necessary” i’d say. “You know how long i wanted to take this leave. You cannot deprive me of this”

it was as if we had fallen in love once again. Those few months were amazing. You wouldn’t let me lift a spoon unless necessary. We exercised together. We went shopping together. My best part was when you’d tell people “we are pregnant”, “we are going to have a female”. The “we” always made me laugh. I was the one who was pregnant. But you, you took all the burden of it and more.

You were in the delivery room, right beside me,

“I am not going anywhere,”

“I promise you, we would do this together”,

“here i am.”

I gave birth to your daughter, you held her little fingers, you looked into my eyes, with tears rolling down, “thank you,” “thank you”, like the day i reaffirmed i was going to get married to you. “Thank you,” was all you could say. And as usual, kisses followed.

Naming our daughter was not an easy task, you insisted that she be named after me, i felt it was redundant. It made you even more furious. “I want to name her after you, i want her to be like you”

I wanted her to be named after your mother. After much deliberation, we finally agreed on that.

Recovery, was not an easy task. I was fighting post partum depression. Overweight. I could not even recognise myself. Yet, you never got tired. You never failed to tell me how beautiful, i looked. You extended your leave.

“We will get through this together”, you would always say.

You were patient, through out, the mood swings, you wouldn’t let the baby wake me up from sleep.

“You have done, your part”

“Atleast, let me try and meet up”,

Fatima, is now 5years. And i cannot help but hope that some day she gets married to someone just like her father. That she sees her worth, through your eyes.

Today, we have been married a decade. And it always feels like yesterday when you pronounced your love for me. I love you for your patience. Your selfless love. Your love for our daughter. Thank you for proving them all wrong.

These past few years have made me love you more and most importantly, brought me closer to my Lord. You, my love are a true Qawwam.

Thank you for choosing me at 35years. I hope we get to choose each other, every step of the way.