It is Eid Season(I am going to assume my audience are all Muslims or atleast have an understanding of what Eid means) and everywhere is buzzing with plans to celebrate.

As a kid and also as an Adult growing up, I have always loved Eid. The food, the getting dressed, the kunshi and getting your hair done, the going out with family to pray and the going out to meet with friends. I always liked it. I still do.

But this time around it is going to be different for me. As I do not plan on celebrating Eidul fitr in whatever way possible.

Why you may be wondering but before then there a few things I am quite happy about with my decision.

I like the fact that I am even able to make this decision despite the cultural and societal attachment that we have to these things.

I don’t have kayan Sallah. It isn’t about the money or lack of funds to get myself one. But I feel like a lot of people would prefer to force themselves to get one to keep up an image. And this what I particularly like about this decision

That I am able to make it despite of course societal expectations and a certain type of image we tend to want to keep. So why am I not involving myself in Eid festivities?

Well. Easy and short answer? I am grieving. Nobody(in human form) is exactly dead. But I am still grieving. Sometimes you feel an enormous amount of pain or sadness that you still want to hold on to the hurt, despite the event that triggered it passing because it was THAT painful

So I am guessing this is what this is all about. I don’t expect my reason to make sense to anyone really. I know so many people will be like “get out of your feelings” and stuff. And even get all sermon ish on me

But this isn’t about anyone. It is about me and how I choose to grieve the things that matter to me the most.