It seems like as if some of us are more adept at connecting with people more easily than others are able to.
Luckily for me, except of course If I have a crush on a guy, I am able to connect easily with people too and here are what I think helps me to make meaningful connections.
I think this inability to connect fully goes a long way in making us feel more alone.
1. Be curious: the way I see it when you converse with people; It is either you have an idea on what they are talking about or you have no idea. In the case of the latter.
Learn to ask questions.
Meaningful questions that will help you understand that idea. don’t be afraid to sound like you don’t know. No one is a know it all. Even further don’t be afraid to ask questions. Deep questions.
I know as introverts we dislike small talks so then don’t have small talks. Ask the questions that come to your mind or you are curious about that person.
Often times people have expressed to me that what they liked about conversing with me was the question I asked them. Deep questions that sometimes they have not even thought of.
Also when they ask you questions. try to ask them questions too.
2. Listen to them: I don’t know much about people but I know enough to tell you that almost everybody wants to be listened to.
Often times I interact with people and all I do really is listen to them.
Make them feel seen and heard if at all they reach out to me in a state of crisis.
And if at all we are having a conversation about something I know. I try to listen to their point of views too. Make them feel heard and seen before putting my thoughts across.
3. Learn to validate them; Validation has to do with getting where a person is coming from without necessarily agreeing with the response they are having In that moment.
Use statements like “I see why you must be feeling this way” don’t jump easily to the next step when someone tells you something or you are interacting with them. I write about this further in my Instagram(check the post out on validation)
4. Refrain from giving advice as much as you can:
Too often times we tend to fall into the trap of giving people advice when they did not ask for it.
We tend to fall into problem solving mode when someone tells us something without hearing them first. Before giving advice, learn to ask if that is what the person wants.
Or ask the person if they have an idea on how they would like to navigate the issue and if they express their inability to; you can ask if they would like your input and go ahead to offer it.
5. Extend help without wanting anything in return: nobody likes feeling like they are being used or manipulated. Learn to be genuinely interested in people without wanting anything in return.
6. Reciprocal Vulnerability: learn to share your experience with others.
Sometimes to be able to connect with someone you have to share some parts of yourself that you don’t normally share.
But for that to happen you have to assess if the person will be able to receive it well. sometimes you just have to take a leap of faith and just share.
Also when someone shares something with you that is hard for them-you could try asking them if it is okay for you to share about a similar experience that would help them understand that you actually get where they are coming from. Ensure you don’t overtake the conversation.
7. Notice subtle things about them: so many of us find it very hard to see ourselves. How kind we are. How much we try everyday to do and be better.
Being able to notice subtle things about a person and telling them about it goes a long way.
8. Don’t judge them: Just don’t. Keep your judgements of what a person has done to yourself. If they confide in you try as much as possible to not tell them “what you did was good or bad or right or wrong”
9. Have empathy even when you don’t understand where the other person is coming from: Empathy has to do with putting yourself in the person’s shoes.
We have a culture of immediately telling people how they have it better than us. When in reality whatever anybody is suffering from is hard for them.
Be Empathetic to people’s unique experience of life.
10. be true to yourself: I have written a lot of things on here. Perhaps some are even wrong sef. But don’t try to bend yourself or please people just because you want to connect with them. Be assertive. Be yourself.
bonus tip: give gifts if you can and be open to receiving too.
Goodluck love. Hope you will find some of this helpful.
to speak to a counselor: 08008002000
To book a free therapy session:http://www.calendly.com/swwtherapysessions