When it comes to intimate relationships one thing that i have noticed is that one behaviour can hardly be associated or assigned to a certain gender.

Most of the information I see does not take into consideration the most important concept, I believe impacts  relationships

“Attachment Theory”

Attachment Theory is a theory that was initially postulated by a group of scientists working individually however John Bowlby is the most prominent of them in the 20th century

Ever since then a lot of researchers have dived deep into the theory and have found remarkable insights and practical applications for it.

The theory relies on the bold claim that we are hardwired for connection. Particularly romantic connection(although attachment patterns tends to show up in relationships also)

According to a Relationship psychologist on instagram who specialises on Attachmnt theory

Attachment theory, she argues, explains the stress you feel in your closest relationship

Thais gibson, whom I have learnt the bulk of attachment theory from defines it as: ” attachment theory is the rule book that people play out in their relationships”

The attachment theory has been able to single out 4 common patterns of the way in which people act in their closest relationship

The patterns are mostly dependent on an idividual’s core wounds, emotional behaviours, communication styles, ability to self regulate or co regulate, closeness and intimacy, needs and expectations.

These patterns are believed to have developed mostly from the relationship we had with our primary care givers between the ages of 0-2

The common patterns are; secured attached, anxious Preoccupied, dismissive avoidant and the disorganised(aka fearful avoidant, anxious-avoidant attachment style).

Starting next week I break down the various attachment style and dive a little deeper into each of them.

Resources:
Personal development school(YouTube Channel)
Instagram: thesecurerelationship
Attached by Amir Levine
The body keeps the score by Vessel Van de kolk