The Anxious Attachers



If you have ever heard a person making statements like “I cannot live without (inserts love interest)” and they actually genuinely believe that statement; they likely have an Anxious Preoccupied Attachment Style


Anxious Preoccupied make well for movie shows because of just how intense they feel when they are in love 


I personally think a lot of poets are Anxious Preoccupied from the way we tend to idealise love and our love interest(just a personal observation sha) 


Anxious attachers tend to infatuate their partners and put them on a pedestal. Think Ryan Gosling from the movie “The Notebook” 


“The discovery of attachment theory serves anxious Preoccupied best” I remember the book Attached by Amir Levine making this argument. 


And quite frankly I agree. I think anxious Preoccupied experience almost the most turbulence in relationships(disorganised take the crown) 


Being a recovering anxious Preoccupied myself(I am not exactly an anxious Preoccupied but let us not get lost in the detail) I know exactly what it is like to be one. 


And it was the intense pain of being an anxious Preoccupied that led me to Attachment theory.


Other names; Ambivalent, Anxious Attached, Anxious Preoccupied 




As with all other attachment style; the anxious Preoccupied formed in childhood between the ages of 0-2. 


Experiencing inconsistent response from a caregiver is the hallmark of developing an anxious Preoccupied attachment style 


The child grows up to understand that he or she cannot trust the caregiver to cater to their needs 


This further reflects in relationships 


Just like the secured attached also, a person can develop an anxious attachment when they get involved in a messy relationship maybe with a more avoidant partner that triggers their intense fear of abandonment (so again, be careful who you date)


Core Wounds

One of the most prominent core wound of the Anxious Preoccupied is an intense fear of abandonment

And almost every one of our attitude towards relationships are done to alleviate this anxiety


What are the Characteristics of the AA?


  1. The main hallmark of an AA is their intense need for connection and closeness in a relationship 
  2. They tend to people please
  3. Have trouble self soothing their emotions
  4. They have trouble setting boundaries
  5. They get easily consumed by the thoughts of their romantic partners
  6. They feel intensely about their love interest
  7. Have trouble communicating
  8. Exhibit protest behaviours (such as silent treatment)
  9. Have a core wound around fear of abandonment


Does this sound like you? If it does there is no shade thrown at you. And if your attachment style is a cause of intense pain for you, it is something that can definitely be worked on by reprogramming your subconscious mind. You can definitely improve i know. I am an anxious Preoccupied myself.


Thank you for reading

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