Suicide Note

I don’t know what suicide attempt is like but I know what suicidal ideation is like

And for the most part of my mental health journey I went through life wanting so much to die at any slight inconvenience

Slight in the eyes of others. But humongous when viewed under the lens of my traumas and triggers

Sometimes I know why it hurt. Other times I did not I just knew something hurt.

And till this day what baffles me is the fact that I still find it hard to believe that other people do not experience suicidal ideation

I have experienced suicidal ideation so much I thought everyone around me felt the same frustration towards life

“You mean the first thing that comes to your mind when something bad happens is not the thought of dying?”

I would often ask

Suicidal ideation is defined as a sort of preoccupation with death.

Nowadays when it gets bad. I know it is going to be better.

And sometimes, the fact that it gets better makes it worse.

Which is why it makes sense that people tend to commit suicide when they are starting to get better.

Because then you know just how good life can get and you fear the lows, the it getting bad again, which you know will eventually happen

My life has been significantly better than when I used to ideate suicide.

I have had a lot of turning points in my life that have greatly helped me.

So if this is you, then I hope you keep hanging in there.

I promise there is light at the end of the tunnel.