If attachment style was a story the protagonist on the surface would likely be Anxious Preoccupied and the antagonist would likely be Dismissive avoidants
When you first become aware of attachment theory it is easy for you to at first glance see Dismissive avoidants as the sole villains
The bad guys of attachment theory. Every comment section of a post on Attachment theory is rift with complains about them
But the thing is; avoidants are also struggling with their own traumas.
They did not choose to be the way they are. And often times they are not even aware of what they are doing.
Life isn’t as easy for them as we tend to make it seem.
Dismissve avoidants tend to express themselves out of a net of their fears and their feelings.
Their core wounds is mostly centred around the fear of being defective and also the fear of being rejected which governs the lot of the things that they do
They don’t want to be seen as weak or incapable.
The tricky thing about this whole Dismissive avoidant thing is their tendency to attract and be pursued by anxious Preoccupied.
Which is mostly where most of the hate they get come from-Anxious Preoccupied.
Anxious Preoccupied are most triggered by DAs.
If you have read all that I have written about APs then you know how tough it must be for this dynamic to be together
Surfacely tougher for the Anxious Preoccupied but deeply tough for the dismissive avoidant too since they get triggered too
How the DA developed
The DA developed either as a result of chronic neglect of their emotions as a child
Or just like other attachments one can become a DA by being in toxic relationships
The major characteristics of DAs include;
1. Intensely valuing independence
2. Ability to set boundaries
3. Less likely to people please
4. More likely to lean on “logic” than feelings
5. Able to Self soothe(they self soothe too much)
6. Likes to communicate through Actions
7. Requires a lot of space
8. Dislikes Conflict in a relationship
9. The DA is not comfortable being vulnerable
If this is you or your partner, then know that this is something that can definitely be worked on.
- Are you curious to know what your attachment style is?
Take this quiz to find out:
- To book a free therapy session: http://Www.calendly.com/swwtherapysessions
- Btw I just launched my YouTube channel where I will be discussing insights that I come across on relationships https://youtube.com/channel/UCgICp1Nl1nn_w0_6cXYNmmQ
Personal development school(YouTube Channel)