The Disorganised Lover

Sigh. The fearful avoidant is the trickiest of all the attachment styles

It took me quite a while to understand the FA but the FA is best understood by their other names of being called Disorganised Attachment

From the name disorganised, they really exhibit disorganised attachment style

The disorganised are referred to as disorganised because they do not exhibit one constant attachemtn style.

Their attachment styles varies tremendously depending on who they are with

They exhibit both Anxious and Avoidant tendencies

They are like two sides of the same coin

One side being Avoidant and the other being Anxious Preoccupied hence the name Fearful Avoidant

How the FA developed

The FA mostly developed as a child as a result of growing up in a highly chaotic and Unpredictable environment

The characteristics of Fearful avoidant depends on which side of the spectrum(avoidant or anxious) predominates them and which is why a person can be either FA-Avoidant or FA-Anxious

But there are certain peculiar characteristics they exhibit:
1. Push pull dynamic: one minute they are interested in you. The next they are not.
2. Have difficulty trusting: they tend to have major trust wounds around fear of being betrayed
4. Good at setting boundaries only when angry or hurt
5. Tendency to self sabotage relationships that are safe
6. The FA tend to be severely dysregulated

I must confess, as someone with a fearful avoidant attachment style myself, it is a hard one to work on but nonetheless still possible to work on it.

You need a lot of perseverance and I am still not even sure if I am fully healed, but I am doing much better.

This is it folks. This brings us to the end of my writing  on attachment theory

I hope you have learnt a thing or two that will help you navigate relationships

Ofcourse Attachment theory is a really broad topic and cannot be summarised in these few posts.

I just hope this makes you interested in wanting to learn more.


Thank you for reading. Next week; we pick up another topic.

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